Literally - I need to get something off my chest! Maybe I am a terrible person, maybe I am a total freak... but I have a confession to make. I do not like breastfeeding. At. All. Whew - there I said it! It's out there in the blogosphere now... but, I'm serious. I feel horrible about it, like something in me isn't wired right! I want to think it's this beautiful, perfectly made by God act between a mother and child... but, really, I don't like it. What's wrong with me!? I mean... I've had a GREAT experience with nursing Raleigh - seriously, he's flawless when it comes to nursing (I wasn't nearly that lucky with SJ... I did the whole bloody nipple/screaming in pain thing with her). It's not that I don't love to hold him and feed him, I'm so content with him having a bottle and rocking him and singing You are my Sunshine over and over... and over and over. It's just not that "moving" of an experience for me as it is for most people that I know. But, I do it... I just feel like I do it for the wrong reasons. Well, I only have one reason really... the only reason I do it at all is because I can't justify spending money on formula when I have no technical problems with breastfeeding. I just want my body back!! It's MINE! I mean, I have heard the whole "it's the best thing for your baby" speech.... and I get it, but I also will never believe that formula is a bad thing for your baby either. SJ's living proof... and I'll argue you into the groud if you argue with me on that one. She's brilliant and you can count on ONE hand the number of times in her life she has been sick in her entire life (knock on wood). Anyway, I just needed to vent that... and now I feel better! Don't freak out, I'm not throwing in the nursing towel - yet! I'm just SOOOO over it that it's not even funny.
Also, when I am done nursing, I am going to find a doctor to give me an adipex prescription and a b12 shot! Seriously - I want this weight OFF and I want it off QUICKLY! I don't care about doing it the healthy way... I hate salad and I love Mountain Dew. I want to lose the weight so I can be Hot. I mean, if healthy comes as a side effect, great - but it's not my main motive. Seriously, have you people seen my hubby? He's stinkin' gorgeous and I don't feel like we match! I just want to feel comfortable walking beside him without people assuming I must be his sister. bleh. And, can I just add that I think cosmetic surgery is stupid, but when this weight comes off - I'm going to be looking into getting these outrageous stretch marks removed!
Now, please don't misinterpret what I'm saying as I hate myself and I want to pawn my kid off on a bottle --- that isn't it at all, I just don't get the breastfeeding hype and I want to be somewhat as good looking as I was when George met me (minus the fake blonde hair). I don't think that's crazy... and I don't think that I am anywhere close to the only Mom that has ever felt that way.
In closing, my opologies for a "rant" blog and tons of grammatical errors and typos.. stay tuned for a happy, upbeat blog post with baby pictures. :)
Thanks for humoring me long enough to read this.