There were 3 in the family... and 3's the magic number.

I would be remiss if I didn't apologize (again) for my recent lack in blog posts. I can't offer up the usual excuses... b/c honestly, they just don't matter. Yes, I am a busy busy girl --- but I have always been that way and somehow in the past, I still found time to blog.

The truth is I just have so many things going on inside of me right now, I wouldn't even know where to begin to get them all out.

so I'll start here, and go from there:

A few months ago now, we found out that there is going to be a new addition to our family of three. Take a minute to soak that in. ...our family of three. George, Me, Sarah Jane, the end.

While soaking that in, please don't misinterpret what I am saying and think that I am not excited, because I am-- beyond measure. I just can't wrap my head around the concept of this NEW person, this new PERMANENT person joining our lives.

I feel like such a jerk for even saying that.

But it's true. I keep hearing people say that I will love this baby exactly like I love Sarah Jane. How is that possible, when I love her with everything that I have? There is no more of me to give... for the last 6 years, she has been it for me. She's the love of my life. (and I love George too, but in a different way) --- I do love this baby, I do want this baby, I am genuinely excited about this baby.

...and I am scared to death that this baby will feel second to it's sister because I can't wrap my head around loving anyone or anything the way that I love my Janey girl.

Someone please tell me how to get over this. Please don't say "you just do" or "you'll just know" -- b/c I have heard those, and it didn't help.

As silly as it sounds, it's a real fear for me right now. One that I am having a really hard time with.

When you have a baby... you are supposed to be stressed out about getting nursery stuff together and finding the right furniture and what this safety rating says about this carseat and that stroller --- not whether or not you can love your children equally as much.

call me crazy if you want, but I'm having issues.

OH.. and in case you were wondering... We now have a bed, a changing table, a quilt rack for all those little blankies, a dresser/hutch, a swing, a walk around jungle, and a few fabric samples that I like. As soon as we find out what this baby is, It's Nursery Decor time! YAY for a MIL with a flair for decorating and a Momma that knows how to sew like no other. I'm a lucky girl!


Elodie said...

i'm right there with you! not that i'm pregnant but, any time i think about having another baby, i just can't comprehend loving it like evan. it just doesn't seem possible. but just like everyone says, i'm sure it won't be a problem.

Dana said...

I read a story one time about a mother explaining it to the first child how she would be able to love the second child without taking any love away from the first. She lit a candle and said this is my love for you. Then she took another candle and lit it from the first and said, this is my love for your baby brother/sister. She how making the new flame didn't make the first one any smaller? They both are equal in size..

The problem is thinking that your heart is only capable of a finite amount of love. The experience of having another child doesn't spread the love that you already have around, it enables your heart to make space for new love.

I disagree though that you will love them just the same. Just as much! But not the same. They will be so unbelievably different, how can you possibly love them the same.

I love you!

Michelle Yoder said...

Oh Jay, you are so normal with your thought process. All though, not all mother's would admit it.
Here's the thing, you won't love this child the same, but you will love he/she just as much. It's amazing how much love automatically multiplies when another child is added to the family. How much will you will love how similar, but different they are from their sibling. How much they are such a mixture of you and George.
It's hard to explain, how it's so amazing each child adds to ones family.
I have found that I love each of my daughters equally, but for different reasons -if that makes sense!
Hang in there....

WhatTheScrap said...

I literally had tears in my eyes while reading this, Jay. I feel the same way. How could I love anyone as much as my Keenan? He's my baby. Singular. I just can't comprehend. I've had alot of people tell me that my heart will double in size when the new baby comes. It just doesn't seem real yet. It's good to know I'm not crazy and that someone else out there is feeling the same way. :)