It's been a long, long week.

I don't even know where to start with this post.

What an exhausting week this has been - emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally.

On Monday morning George went to work as usual - Raleigh and I were just getting our day started and SJ was still sleeping. I needed to take care of a few things so I went to lay the baby on his floor gym and when i felt a shooting pain in my back and it forced me to the ground, the baby fell about 4 inches or so onto his mat...and I was STUCK on the floor. There was a wooden chair close by, but every time I pulled on it, it started to fall and I could NOT bend to get up on my own - it was horrible! Picture that little old lady in that commercial saying "Help, I've fallen and I can't get up" and that was me... I called for SJ to get up and bring me my phone - she was SUCH a big help. I called George and he was completely stuck at work (and I don't think that he really believed that i couldn't get up...) so I sent SJ next door to get our neighbor, that just so happens to be an awesome nurse. She came over and helped me from the floor to the recliner and then gave me some pain meds... and I sat in the recliner until George got home about 2 hours later. Not fun!

When George got home, we made our way to the Doctor. When we got to the doctor, a few sweet friends met us there... one to watch Raleigh in the waiting room, and one to take SJ to lunch and to play. While we were in the waiting room, we got the call that we knew was coming--- but we didn't want to hear. Grandbubba was gone. Since Saturday morning we had been waiting, we knew it wouldn't be long. It was breath-taking.

But, we stayed at the doctor, there was nothing that we could do and I was in a wheelchair. They did x-rays on my back and from what they could tell ...I slipped a vertebrae. OUCH! The Doc told me to "stay off my feet"... which wasn't going to happen, so I asked for some pain meds just to get me through the week. He gave me some toridol and some darvacet and sent me hobbling on my way.

When we made it back to George's mom's house, funeral plans were already underway... flowers ordered for a blanket, funeral songs, what to wear, where to be at what time, times set, dates set, preachers picked, paul bearers, so on and so forth - and I couldn't help but lay on the couch and look at her empty room. She's been in a hursing home since january and I had no idea how to tell SJ that she wasn't coming home - at least not the home that SJ knows her in. I waited as long as I could to get SJ and bring her home --- all I could think about was how to tell a six year old that she is never going to see the person that she loves most in the world again?

To be honest, I don't remember how the words came out. I don't remember what we said. But, she handled it fairly well - she cried and cried, but we looked at old pictures, and we smelled GB's lotion, and we talked about all the wonderful things we thought she was doing in Heaven. Sarah Jane said to me, "I knew this day was coming, but I never wanted it to get here" - I think that sums up how we all felt. I lost my Dad and my Grandad when I was not much older than SJ... losing someone you love so much at that age is NOT an easy thing to go through, and we've got a long road ahead of us. I don't know that I have ever completely healed from losing them, I probably never will. Honestly, I don't know that anyone ever heals from it - I think you just learn how to deal.

Since we were all hanging out at George's mom's house - we noticed that there were no toiletries, paper towels, etc. in her house since she had been spending so much time at the nursing home - George volunteered to run to Publix to take care of that and to pick up my pain meds. As he was leaving the grocery store, he was pulling the cart up onto the curb and as he did that... he pulled off his toenail! SO, we called our friend that is a Podiatrist and he did an emergency last minute toe surgery on George's toe! ---and then he sent him hobbling on his way with some Ceflex and some Vicodin.

Between the two of us being injured and the emotional events of the day --- we were in a MESS.

The Visitation was the next night, the funeral was the next day - it's all a blur to me, it all went by so fast. GB looked beautiful, so peaceful - so pain free. She would have been pleased. The funeral home was beautiful, as beautiful as a place like that can be - the flowers were gorgeous, the music was perfect, the speakers told the story of her life perfectly and I wouldn't change a thing even if I could.

My back is alot better now, George's toe is on the mend - and SJ only cried once today. Life goes on, even after hers ended. In all my life, no one person (with the exception of my own mother) has taught me more about life and the way it should be. She was truly a blessing to everyone who knew her and I am a better person because of her.

I am thankful that God let her live long enough for Sarah Jane to remember her, and I am thankful that God let her live to meet Raleigh because she so desperately wanted to.

I still can't fully put into words what I would like to say about this woman that we all loved so much - but I will say that there will forever be a place in our heart that is empty without her in it, and we'll always smile at the thought of her. She's left fingerprints in our lives that will never be erased.

Plillipians 1:3 says "I thank my God every time I remember you" ---and we will remember her fondly and often. She truly was a treasure and we will miss her, always.


The Mom-tage said...

Wow, I know we don't really know each other, but I do know that we would most certainly be friends if we lived near by. You have such a sweet spirit, which is shown through your writing. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. You will be in our prayers, and for both you and your husband to heal quickly. Back pain is the worst! Especially with children!
SJ sounds like she's handling the loss quite well, and with wisdom beyond her years. We will pray for her also.
Love, Holly

Dana said...

I love you Jay..You're right, we only deal and anxiously await the day when we're all healed!

Whitney said...

I am just now seeing this, and I had no idea about your back this weekend. I'm hoping you're doing better. When it rains, it pours...but if there weren't rainy days, we wouldn't appreciate the sun. I was SJ's age when I lost my MawMaw and I still miss her dearly. I know SJ will remember all of the wonderful things about Grandbubba and, in a way, the things she has taught SJ will make her live on through her.